Some thoughts about changing for good

Change can mean a lot of different things to different people. For some, it’s resisted as an unwelcome threat to the status quo. To others, it’s a breath of fresh air in a boring, outdated world. For still others, it’s a new start, a break from the past and a promise of a better tomorrow.

The difference in perspective on change is largely a matter of attitude toward our present situation. If I’m comfortable, or at least content with my life as is, change is less desirable than if I’m miserable. If I agree that a certain change (like physical fitness) would be ideal, but requires more effort and revamping of my life than I really want to take on, then my motivation to change is diminished.

For people with troublesome habits, whether behavioral, mental or relational, change is something that first must be seen as not only necessary but urgent, because any habit has a built-in inertia factor that makes it much easier to stay the same than to become something new. And that’s all them more true if that habit is still believed to be personally advantageous or useful.

In fact, any behavior that becomes habitual, customary, traditional, standard operating procedure, modus operandi or whatever is something that once upon a time was new, and was practiced with regularity because it was an action that was believed to be in some way beneficial. People may stumble over a shoe in the dark, but they don’t normally arrange their shoes in such a way as to create a hazard zone in a dark room.

As bizarre as it may seem to the objective viewer (and we can all be more objective about other people’s behavior than about our own), even self-destructive habits like chemical addictions, rage-aholism, pornographic obsessions or chronic irresponsibility are actions that began as a choice to do something that seemed necessary, useful, positive or just plain “makes-me-feel-good”.

A person who finds himself time and again in the grip of a troublesome habit may feel frustrated, unable to explain why he can’t seem to break free and make the needed changes. He may beat himself up and try to “repent” of his foolishness, only to fail again. But he should assume one fact about himself: There is a motivation within to do this thing (and perhaps very deeply and unconsciously within), not because it’s truly useful (as good health practices or being kind to others) but because there is still a place in his beliefs, attitudes or feelings where this action is believed to be emotionally necessary; a refuge of sorts from a world that is unsafe, unwelcoming, unkind or unpleasant.

Finding that hidden place, stripping away its defenses and denial, and dealing with it by God’s Word of truth, grace, love and power, is the only way I know to “change for good.” We may be able to “rearrange” the Titanic’s deck chairs, as many addicts switch from one “behavior of choice” to another to satisfy the same inner longings, but troublesome habits are still going to take us down or keep us down. Change of anything troublesome is never easy, but, with God’s power and wisdom, it’s at least possible.